NOT SHOCKING: IDIOTIC MITT IS AT IT AGAIN
Nowadays when the phone rings at a politician’s house people freeze in horror and anxiously recite a solemn prayer as they pick up the call.
“Dear Lord, please don’t let it be Mitt Romney.”
That’s because 2x loser and notorious choke artist Mitt Romney is frantically combing through his Rolodex searching for anyone with a pulse who is willing to commit political suicide by challenging the GOP Presumptive Nominee Donald Trump in a 3rd party run.
He’s baaaaaack.
However, don’t worry, this is the last, last, last, last, LAST effort by the GOP establishment to try and stop the runaway Trump Train, who, thus far has earned 2 million-plus more votes than Mitt Romney’s 2012 total and is poised to set a GOP record for most votes earned during a primary.
Stupid pesky facts. They just get in the way of an old-fashioned Never Trump hissy fit.
Despite the votes and “Guinness Book of World Record-Setting” stuff, Romney still claims Trump is weak, unpopular, and a big ol’ poopy-head.
The yuge disparity in votes and voter turnout between 2012 and 2016 underscores the sharp contrast between the two businessmen (one is successful and one is the opposite of successful) and begs the question – if Trump is a so-called “weak candidate” what the hell kind of nominee was Romney?
As someone who volunteered wasted countless hours and donated squandered money on Romney’s anemic campaign, the word “rickets” comes to mind.
However, facts, figures, and voters be damned, Romney is convinced that if he can find a dazzling establishment hack to run 3rd party, those 8 people still left in the “Never Trump” movement will rise up like dropkicks from the ashes and give Trump a real run for his money.
What? It could happen.
<insert belly-laughter here>
The short-list (pun intended) that Romney has drafted reads like a who’s who of “WTF’s?” – From Johnny “Short Stack” Kasich and Ben “Pedo Protector” Sasse to Condoleeza “Leave Me The F Outta This Mess” Rice and Mark “Why Am I Even On This List” Cuban. It’s a strange mish-mash of people that nobody A) knows B) cares about or C) see A & B again.
But wait, there’s more.
As if this wasn’t an already confusing cluster-bleep of sadness and confusion, Editor of The Weekly Standard and subsequent creator of bird-cage liners, Bill Kristol, has made it even sadder and more confusing by creating his own list of 3rd-party dropkicks and – whoops– he placed Romney at the top.
Dueling Daffy Dropkick Lists.
This would explain why, when Mitt got to the “R’s” in his Rolodex, he called himself and politely declined the offer by saying, “My God Mittens, are you f—king crazy?”
Meanwhile, as the Never Trump Gang of 8 hobbles along, the Trump Train is full steam ahead Cruzin’ to Cleveland with an America First message that is resonating with millions of people from all corners of the country – rich, poor, young, old, male, female, black, brown, yellow, white – and consequently the GOP base is growing by record numbers.
File that under “S” in your Rolodex, Mitt, because that’s how you run a successful campaign.
And by this point I think you know where you can shove your list……
Amy Moreno is a Published Author, Graphic Designer & Marketing Guru. You can follow her on Twitter here.
#DIRTYFILTHYMEDIA using Hillary Alinsky techniques to dampen Trump’s support in CA.
Ignore #DIRTYFILTHYMEDIA
I agree John! And it’s only going to get worse as their grip loosens! Keep fighting and never shut up! Ever! 😉
Great writing. Very funny. Thanks for the laughs.
Thank you William!
These #NeverTrump’res just sitbatbtgebslot machine and pump Black chips in out of depression. What? Are they going to “invest” another billion? I need to get into that business. The revue I g end of where all that money goes.
If Mitt had been this fired up when he ran we would be talking reelection and Hillary would be just a bad memory! Nice article Amy, well done.