Hillary is a master investor!

In 1978 Crooked invested $1,000 in cattle future contracts. When she stopped trading ten months later in 1979, Crooked had amassed a 9,987% profit, pulling in nearly $100,000.

This, of course, is completely $100% legit and totally happened and Hillary is a better investor than Donald Trump and would have been richer than Warren Buffet had she not gotten bored! ^/s

What is a cattle future?

According to Wikipedia:

In finance, a futures contract (more colloquially, futures) is a standardized forward contract which can be easily traded between parties other than the two initial parties to the contract. The parties initially agree to buy and sell an asset for a price agreed upon today (the forward price) with delivery and payment occurring at a future point, the delivery date.

Basically, the way insane profits get made via futures is to successfully speculate how much the asset will be worth in the future when it is sold.

So, where did Hillary get this amazing investment wisdom and where can I learn it?

James Blair, a friend and lawyer she met through Tyson Foods, of chicken tendies fame, through Rose Law Firm was doing very well for himself through futures trading. Blair was getting his advice from former Tyson executive Robert Bone.

Long story short, through all this dealing Hillary claims she eventually was down $40,000, but came back and walked away at a positive of nearly $100,000.

You know, I could swear I’ve heard stories like this before…

Never tell me the odds!

Crooked Hillary ‘Han Solo’ Clinton apparently has a knack for beating impossible odds.

Basically put; the odds of a this return happening are 1 in 31,000,000,000,000, which in comparison makes the 1 in 64 chance of six-for-six coin-flips in Iowa this year much less impressive.

So, Hillary is the luckiest human to ever live; does that make her corrupt?

Well, of course all the wrongdoing wasn’t Hillary’s fault! But, there was considerable wrongdoing.

For starters, Hillary’s trades were conducted by James Blair and in her initial investment Robert Bone approved her ordering $12,000 worth of cattle futures with her only $1,000 investment. (Thank god she’s so incredibly lucky then! Can you imagine if she had lost money on that?!)

Other records from the Chicago Mercantile Exchange indicate that as much as $40,000 of her profit came from larger trades executed by other accounts that were then shifted to her name.

In 1983, Blair testified her believed Robert Bone’s company was manipulating cattle prices while he was advising Clinton. In 1979, after Hillary stopped trading Bone was suspended for three years for repeatedly violating exchange rules.

Oh, and Hillary forgot to pay taxes on $6,500 of her profits. This is the first of two incidents in the 80s during which the Clintons ‘forgot’ to pay taxes, but you know that’s no big deal.

H/T – Reddit

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